I’m mental – snand.org

one of my pet peeves.

is confident wrongness. it’s everywhere and universal. as an example, I am so tired of the boiling frog analogy. I get its use, but when the first principals of the metaphor are not accurate, what is the value in it? folks will just find the error in your metaphor and then discount the entire premise.

that is an obviously minor example, but it just gets worse from there. I’d come up with more but I’m getting ready for work, where I can find all the fractal wrongness I can stand..

she’s back?!?

one of the best youtube channels went dark a while back, the internet has been wondering what happened to her. to be frank, I’ve always suspected the channel is ultimately propeganda but it’s so beautiful that I can’t help but be mezmerized by every single video.

I haven’t even watched this yet but apparently there are two new videos. with the shit news in this world, I’ve been looking for something good. fingers crossed this captures the old magic.

I’ll update later once I have a chance to watch.

I overthink everything.

here I thought I needed to put forth all my effort, skills and knowledge into a thing when it really just takes the simplest approach.

I’m doomed.

aspiring..

I’ve been saying a lot lately that I’m an aspiring luddite. given the high tech nature of my hobbies though, I think I’ve been saying the wrong thing. I think I’m an aspiring hermit. how great would it be to just never have to deal with people ever again.

weekend project.

I’m trying to focus my efforts a bit, so I’m going to make a plan. I want to get a start on rebuiling my snan, I am not going to set a goal to finish it, but I think I can at least figure out the plan. secondly, snand needs a new landing zone. I used to keep webster alive, my little docker desktop VDI, but truth be told, I probably only need a SSH connection. I’ve abandoned portainer in favor of lazydocker, gotten snand fully scriped for installs and updates, really I don’t need anything but a CLI for maintenance occasionally.

wonder if I can do that through cloudflare? if not, I suppose I could just do soemthing with my router, I mean it is my VPN endpoint which is how I connect now. Still, would be nice to have an open, secure portal to do maintenance from anywhere.

so, those are my goals. make a plan for the snan, and figure out and bring up an SSH host, securely.

monday the wardrobe comes so I can keep going on the basement. I may also add to the list, last coat of paint in the excersise room, and put up the corner wood shelf.

ok, so these are my goals:

make a plan for the snan
POC a secure SSH host
finish painting workout room
install custom wood shelf in workout room

this is my blog, so I can write stream of conciousness like this. deal.

back to work..

I thought it was going to be worse, last week I was kind of a wreck, being gone for All IT Week. I mean, Many Point was wonderful but it did keep my PTSD anxiety working overtime, so, really thought it would just be a ball of nerves at work, but catchup took so much time that I didn’t have a chance to panic. plus I managed to have a fairly productive day.

still, given the stress levels of the two trips I’ve taken this year, I don’t feel like I’ve had any time to relax. maybe the state fair will finally shut off my brain.

pretty sure I have PTSD

quizzes are a bit difficult when they ask for specifics about the incident and you have no memory of it. so, aside from reliving the incident I seem to tick all the boxes.

only posting it because this is essentially my diary, that and gives me something tangible to address. gonna make another appointment to have my head shrunk, I’ve got questions anyway.

hello internet

I’m having a good day. I don’t often so I’m marking the occasion.

I hope you all are doing wonderful today as well.

friday affirmation post.

it’s been a decent week, for my head anyway. I still bounce around wildly between panic and tranquility, sometimes in the same day. but this has been a good week for me in how I’m feeling professionally.

I’m pretty knowledgeable about a lot of things, I know what to do. I just don’t really know how to get these needed projects underway. I’ve been blaming myself for being inadequate at my job but this week I’ve been getting some of the needed direction and some coworkers are coming out of the woodwork to talk about their frustrations as well. I’m not complaining about work, frankly I LOVE working where I do, it’s without a doubt the best company I have ever worked for, but just because it’s a good place to work, doesn’t mean there isn’t difficulties here. I’m used to a different set of them though and so recalibration has been a challenge.

nothing particularly tangible I’m reacting to here, but it feels good that I’m not blaming myself for all my frustrations. and I do know that this just means that there’s still more work to do and more frustrations ahead of me but I don’t feel quite as alone anymore.

thanks work and co-workers for a good week. I’m so happy to be here to face these challenges as a team.

I’d forgotten about ol’ Ulrich.

this song came up on apple radio today. this was one of my calm jams back in the day. nice to hear it again, might have to make a calming playlist as I rediscover these old tunes.